Maybe not, but you can blame her for putting no effort into her attire. Even a grotesque ogre of a woman would be able to smash open the bureau and find a decent sundress or something! To be fair, the girl’s had her hands shackled her whole life, so it’s not like donning a pullover would be easy. But hiding behind the shredded face of the wait staff won’t change the fact that she desperately needs a makeover. And collosal reconstructive surgery.

Low points for protection as well, although it’s not like she really needs much more of it. The loneliest freak in the mansion is carrying a virus that makes her annoyingly impervious to convential weapons, meaning that like most problems that refuse to go away, she must be pushed off a giant stone pillar into the abyss below. You can do this by either embedding a dozen magnum rounds in her face, or just by opening up the coffin in the middle of the room and driving her to fling her own self off the edge on the sight of her dead mother. Sucks to be the only child!

Dahlia decks herself out like a typical grandmother, save for one crucial flaw; the comically enormous Dilbert tie she wears loosely around her neck. It’s like Team Silent Hill gave one of the characters a joke costume right off the bat without forcing the player to complete the game to open it up. Sure, she still comes off as one creepy bitch most of the time, but it’s impossible to take anyone who wears her necktie like a 68-year old Avril Lavigne seriously. Good for a laugh, if anything.

Like Lisa, the amount of protection afforded to Dahlia is inconsequential where plot is concerned. But while Lisa was mostly invincible, no amount of grandmotherly nightgowns or giant ties could save Dahlia from being incinerated by Samael at the end of the game. You reap what you sow! And, well, if you happen to sow the seeds of a dark god, expect to take a fireball or two to the face.

To reflect on her grim nature, Team Silent Hill made Maria out to be a quasi-sleazy exotic dancer, or so we gather from the fliers lying around the strip club… and the fact that she has all three keys to the back door… and hangs all over James like Ray on Super Mario Brothers 3. Her attire itself doesn’t validate this, but when you meet the girl and see how she reacts to James, the red tips of her hair start to look a lot more devilish. She has on what appears to be a pink cheetah-patterned skirt and matching choker, which is pretty tacky, even for a deserted town. The boots are nice, though!

And as you might guess, protective value is almost nil. This isn’t a big deal in the main game, but Maria does become a playable character in the Restless Dreams subchapter, so expect to feel every crazy mannequinn’s kicks through that thin cotton top. And then of course there’s Pyramid Head’s pike, which really can’t be stopped no matter what you’re wearing, unless you’re some kind of super stripper, which Maria is specifically not made out to be.