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Arino’s Challenge: Virtual Console: Splatterhouse

This time, Arino tries out the arcade version of Splatterhouse, the horror movie-style action game featuring hapless mask-clad Rick and his kidnapped girlfriend Jennifer. Arino must try to finish the game within five hours. Let’s see how far he gets in a 15-minute video.

Arino starts the game and notices he can put in as many credits as he wants, this being an arcade game, after all. The game begins, and Arino walks through the creepy underground dungeon, with a wave of ghoulish energy following him. After getting past that section, he enters the next part: a room with a bunch of red creatures, the Body Eaters, leaping at him. He’s devoured in short order, and dies for the first time. He tries again, this time staying low and repeatedly kicking in an attempt to keep the Eaters at bay. It works, but just when Arino thinks he’s done, one last Eater jumps out and kills him.

Arino continues and tries again, and this time adds punches to the mix. He kills the surprise Eater, then continues to stage 2. With a giant meat cleaver, he makes his way through the next dungeon, and then trudges through the sewer.

After that, the next boss is the Poltergeist, which means Arino must defend himself against a room of flying furniture. Unfortunately, he’s surprised too often and killed by a rogue chair or somesuch. Eventually, he lucks into a pattern: he stays in the middle of the room and just keeps punching, and that seems to be enough to ward off the flying objects, that is until he’s killed by the painting right behind him at the last second. And after he finally destroys the painting and releases the poltergeist, he’s killed by the falling chandelier.

Arino learns his lesson, and survives the fight on the next and last attempt. Onto stage 3, which is set outside in the forest. Arino tries to get across the wood bridge, but steps on a silvery spot, where a hand comes out and pulls him down. He enters a cavern, gets out of there, and then once back in the forest, he walks right on a bed of spikes and dies again.

On the next try, Arino gets the shotgun, and makes it to the boss, the chainsaw-armed Biggy Man. Arino dies at first, but gets the hang of the shotgun afterward. After blasting Biggy Man a few times, the gun runs out of ammo, and Arino has to use his brute force… which, of course, doesn’t quite work. More deaths follow.

In his next attempt, Arino preforms a sliding kick, and wonders exactly how he did it. He checks in the in-game manual, and sees the kick is pretty powerful. And then, on the 11th attempt against Biggy Man, he uses the kick after expending the shotgun. The kick pushes Biggy Man back, and after a couple more hits, Arino wins.

Stage 4 features a hall of mirrors that seems to not be anything, that is until a clone Rick smashes through and attacks Arino. Luckily, it’s a weak clone, and turns to dust after just a few hits. However, more are on the way, but they’re a cinch.

The next boss is Evil Cross, an upside-down cross surrounded by six zombie heads. Arino has to get rid of all the heads, and then start whacking on the cross. However, it jumps a little too high, and Rick is a little too slow, so Arino fails to hit it much, and then it regenerates the heads. No good. On the next try, Arino matches the jumps, and finally destroys the cross.

Stage 5 proves to be the hardest one, and Arino constantly dies. He’s eventually told by the producer that he has 10 minutes left before his five hours are up, so this will have to be his last chance. He has two lives left, and loses the first just by walking into enemies. Once he climbs up a ladder, though, he finally finds Jennifer. Technically, he’s won, but wait! It’s a fake Jennifer, one that bursts and turns into a screeching demon. It leaps across the room, strikes Arino, and kills him for the last time.

Time is up, but the producer is kind, and lets Arino go on a technicality — he did find Jennifer, after all, even if it wasn’t the Jennifer.