November 18th, 2003 | Feature | GameCube | PlayStation 2
Survival Horror Fashion Showdown
Come with us on a magical dress-up journey through the world of the shotgun-toting heroine! Can Rebecca really stop the train while wearing that halter top?!

ROUND 1: The Good Girls

Jill Valentine
Classic S.T.A.R.S.,
Resident Evil (2002)

Form: 7
Function: 8

Click to enlarge

Jill’s classic blue S.T.A.R.S. uniform, here beautifully recreated on the GameCube, scores good marks in both form and function categories for its smooth blue hues and kevlar-reinforced bullet-stopping power. A shame that it can’t repel zombie bites, but in a fight with a rogue operative it’s going to provide a lot more protection than anything else available to her. The beret is standard issue to the force’s sexiest cadets, bringing out Jill’s coquettish charm while still clearly stating “do not fuck with me” through the S.T.A.R.S. insignia. The black leather gloves and boots are standard issue as well, adding slightly to the functionality of the uniform as a whole while upping the badass factor by a notch or two.

This particular outfit has gotten the most use through the years, serving as Jill’s default outfit in the original RE as well as the remake, though it must be earned in RE3 along with such atrocities as the meter maid getup, leisure suit, and Dino Crisis Regina outfit, among others. Fortunately, it brings some sanity to the streets of an otherwise mad Raccoon City.

Final Verdict: 7.5
Authoritative yet easy on the eyes. Ain’t no undead bitches steppin’ to this!! *snap*

Also seen in:
Resident Evil (1996)
Resident Evil: Director’s Cut (1997)
Marvel Vs. Capcom (1998)
Resident Evil: Director’s Cut: Dual Shock Edition (1998)
Resident Evil 3: Nemesis (1999) (unlockable)
Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 (2000)


Rebecca Chambers
Bravo Team Medic Uniform,
Resident Evil (2002), Resident Evil Zero (2002)

Form: 5
Function: 6

Click to enlarge

It would seem that rookie S.T.A.R.S. members are not only denied access to the special operatives’ Mister Coffee down at the precinct, but also the protective gear closet. Poor Rebecca is sent into the wilds with only a medical fanny-pack, olive green top, and a matching pair of those adorable nylon cargo pants, not really enough to protect against partially or even completely decomposed assailants. On the plus side, Rebecca’s signature short hair and distaste for headwear give her ease of mobility when maneuvering her face away from the corner of the coffee table as she goes down.

Logic tells us that as one responsible for the health of the entire team, the field medic should be just as protected (if not moreso) than the offensive members of the squad. But with RPD police chief Brian Irons funneling the force’s budget into the goddamn gem puzzles and thematically locked doors of the Raccoon Police Station, little Rebecca is left with a small cream-colored vest to guard her vitals. But it does fulfill its purpose! The crazy antics that unfold deep within Umbrella’s laboratory end in little Rebecca taking a slug to the chest and popping right back up after a few minutes, perky as ever. It might not be able to defend against a Tyrant claw to the sternum, but Rebecca’s vest is good for stopping bullets on the rare occassion a S.T.A.R.S member would be faced with firearms over rotten, outstretched arms.

Final Verdict: 5.5
Not much to look at, but this honey’s got a little bit of cockblockin’ power!!

Also seen in:
Resident Evil (1996)
Resident Evil: Director’s Cut (1997)


Heather Morris
street clothes,
Silent Hill 3 (2003)

Form: 8
Function: 6

Click to enlarge

Whereas the ladies of S.T.A.R.S. were prepared for conflict (er, sorta), Silent Hill 3’s Heather Morris is helplessly plunged into terror — but not without her knee-highs! These sexy boots provide an element of protection from those annoying skittery bitches, but fall just short of ass-ugly zombie dog protection. Heather sports a dark denim miniskirt, deceiving in its perceived constraint; she can pull out the acrobatic skills when she needs them without impairment. Unfortunately, her soft, vulnerable knees and arms knock Heather down a few points on the practicality meter.

You can’t expect to go up against the nightmare world’s most Boschian creations without breaking a sweat, and the way Heather wears those sweatbands you’d think she was anticipating it! Her super-absorbent cotton bands are ever vigilant in their quest to keep Heather’s skin smooth and dry. Because nothing ruins a day more than perspiring all over your ceremonial katana! Whoa! It’s not a sweat channel!

But the most functional item in her ensemble is Heather’s vest. Smooth, silver-white, and full of pockets, this nylon wonder allows Heather to keep her flashlight in a fixed position as she explores, leaving both hands free to bash in nurse skulls with the trusty rusty pipe! An orange undershirt matches her sweatbands and provides additional warmth and protection from the cold night air, while the same breathable material collaborates with Heather’s exposed knees and arms to keep her cool in the depths of Samael’s bowels. Don’t forget the sunblock~!

Final Verdict: 7
Attractively funky and adequately functional. Equip that gold pipe for maximum bling!!

Also seen in:
Abercrombie & Fitch

THE WINNER: Jill Valentine

The tough Miss Valentine takes the first round by storm thanks to a uniform that manages to be sexy, modest, and functional at the same time. Things may have played out differently if Rebecca were to be issued a similar uniform, but the odds of this happening aren’t so good (HINT HINT CAPCOM).

It bears mentioning that Jill has two costumes that fall into this category, but contest restrictions prevented us from tossing the second one into the mix. But! We do understand that it’s necessary to take both costumes into assessment to get an accurate impression of Jill as a very stylish, very coordinated woman. Which brings us to the…

Jill Valentine
street clothes,
Resident Evil (2002)

Form: 7
Function: 4

Click to enlarge

Just to clarify, this outfit originally debuted in Resident Evil 3: Nemesis, and was later taken back out of the boutique as an unlockable in Resident Evil Rebirth. But in all honesty, seeing it on the GameCube makes it a lot more attractive than on the PS one, so that’s where the images from your left were taken from.

It didn’t make much sense to pit Jill against a raging Nemesis in this outfit, and it doesn’t make much sense now to have her throw it back on to traipse around the mansion. Vitals are totally unprotected, and that neck is just begging for some aggressive zombie love. On the plus side, Jill retains the sleek practicality of the hip pack she recovered from the train car in RE3, but that’s about the only thing she’s got going for herself in terms of usefulness. It’s a testament to the girl’s common sense that she was flung from her apartment building by an explosion while the city was already knee-deep in the undead, and she emerges from the wreckage all dolled up for a date.

But as an ensemble, hey now! Jill was poured into this blue tube top, and the slate-gray skirt fits her like a glove, even it appears to have been borrowed from Heather’s closet — but they say that if you’re going to borrow, borrow from the best. Finally, a white dress shirt tied casually around the waist says that it’s just too warm inside Spencer Mansion to leave those shoulders covered up.

Final Verdict: 5.5
You look good, but don’t think you’re getting out of the mansion with all of your skin!!

Also seen in:
Resident Evil 3: Nemesis (1999)

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